i got my DNA test results and theyre negative

Work Song by Hozier except you’re deep within a coal mine, working tirelessly to support your family. Somewhere nearby, you can hear Hozier telling all the other boys in the mine about his beautiful girlfriend. It fills you with a strange sense of peace.
do i believe in romance…not sure. am i obsessed with it…absolutely
personal playlists i’ve made that might fit your niche
more!
having to be “mature” at a young age sucks bc you aren’t really “mature-mature” you’re a child playing at a maturity bc you don’t have the foundation to be the bigger person when conflict arrives so what you do is ignore it bc ignoring a problem and being happy about a resolution look the same to your inexperienced eyes. Then you get adults praising you for a development above your peers but you aren’t really developing. You’re stagnant. Your peers will grow up and experience things and make mistakes and grow from them but you will keep yourself in this box, ignoring things ignoring ignoring ignoring until one day you have to face the fact… it wasn’t maturity you had. It was fear. And now you’re an adult too and you make all of your choices based on an emotional risk/costs analysis bc you don’t know any emotion other than fear & you have to start healing from your own childhood by making peace that you weren’t really a mature child. You were just a child who was given too much to carry & didn’t know how to say “no”.
rare feelings
- being completely immersed into a book as if you’re watching a movie
- being able to study for a long time without being distracted
- wandering upon a scent that reminds you of a distant memory from your childhood that you haven’t smelled for years and years
- the freedom of letting yourself do something badly (like art or learning) and knowing you’re progressing every day
- being completely happy despite the bad things because you remember every little good thing and kind person in your life
- stargazing in a remote landscape and feeling existentially precious and insignificant at the same time
- waking up early enough to see the darkness turn to sunrise
- finding someone who is radiant in every way
- being consistent with a goal you’ve been working on for the longest time and seeing the finished result
- knowing that one chapter of your life has ended and a better one is beginning
mom said it’s my turn to conjure the old gods
therapist: how was your week?
me: mm.. i can’t remember